My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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