I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
