went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
