meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
