I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
