What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
