Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
