About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did I show you my penis last night?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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