Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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