I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Watching her eat just hurts me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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