Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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