Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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