i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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