can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you win again, gameday.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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