Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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