I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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