Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
