That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
