Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
