I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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