I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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