my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
