some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All the doctor said was why
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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