First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
