i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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