Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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