Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
