He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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