so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
