Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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