so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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