We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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