this boner is exhausting
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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