the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
