I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
