Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
