nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just want to make out with him forever
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
