Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
