I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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