I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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