I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
