next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
