You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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