Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
