I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
