nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you had me at cake vodka
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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