Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
