He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
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That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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