Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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