I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
