Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
