please come you make the beer taste better
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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