tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
