I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
