Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
