i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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