You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I should be sponsored by Trojan
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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