I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
