I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
