It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
