bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
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