I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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