Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
