I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
