the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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