so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
