haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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