I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
